Christmas is gone already. I didn't notice it creeping up on me this year; my presents were bought, the tree was decorated, I just didn't feel the Christmas spirit until the last minute. That feeling was there only for a fleeting moment before it disappeared into a pile of wrapping paper.

(How can doing the right thing make a person angry?)

Christmas Eve at my granny's was pretty fun. My grandpa's sister, my great aunt Hanka came in from California for Christmas, which was really cool cause I haven't seen her since I was about ten. Good food, was finally able to fulfill my week-long craving for borsch and the dumplings that my granny puts in especially for Christmas Eve. Got some krowki (this fudge candy) in my stocking, which made me super happy and hung out with my uncle and cousin at supper. Heard about my other cousin, who's in France staying with one of their families old exchange students, drinking more champagne than she should've and singing her hosts a Christmas song in english.

(Why can people be so cold?)

Talked to my grandad in England Christmas morning before we left for Red Deer and freaked when he started talking to me in Polish not once but three times; had a momentary heart-in-throat moment were I thought that he had Alzheimers or something and he had forgotten that I didn't speak Polish. That was super scary for me. I couldn't handle having another grandparent pass away because of that. Heard good news about Czescha, my step-grandmother, recovering from her stroke. Ate lots of food and thankfully didn't drink too much at my aunt and uncle's place in Red Deer.

Found myself for the first time in months by spending a solid two hours reading like I used to do. I hadn't realised how much that calmed me down, how much just sitting there and absorbing what the artist had written was ultimately me. I had forgotten how much I love doing that.

Sometimes it's a relief to forget the world around me. When I finally come back to the world it seems in much better order, even though nothing has really changed.

(Why can't everyone see a person and not try to change them?)

Everything seems so much clearer, like I can see things and people for what they really are. I can see the hypocrisy and the hurt, the mistrust people have in each other, and the unconditional love that I can get only from my family, because no matter how many times I screw up, hurt them or push them away they seem to forget the little things, like they know I didn't really mean it and make me grow from the bigger, important things.

Grow, always.