I just want to cry.

I'm writing an essay for this scholarship from the Canadian War Museum. The topic for the essay is "During the Second World War, my family...". So naturally, I'm going to be writing about my granny and my Babija and their experiences in the concentration camps and during the Nazi and Russian occupation of Poland. I'll be talking with my granny tomorrow, and I'm nervous about it. I'm afraid that what I've been reading about and seeing in books, movies and what have you will suddenly become too real for me. I'm scared that I won't be able to take the truth. I want so badly to write this essay and to be proud of my family, which I am; I'm afraid that I won't be able to do justice to what happened to them, to their experiences. I know that I have the power to make this real for everyone who reads this; I just have to believe in it.

Why is believing in myself so hard? For so many things? I just don't understand so many things; why do I have so little self-confidence? why do I feel like I'm doomed to fail at some things? why can I see the success that others seem to see?

I'm just scared, I guess.

What an absolutely terrible week.

I had a huge fight with my parents (well, mostly my dad) this morning and I'm still really upset about it. Apparently they can all tell when David and I are dating again, because I'm very irritable and crabby. Thankfully, no one else is home right now.

I just want to go to sleep and when I wake up, I want this whole situation to have worked itself out.

We walk without a sound across a barren landscape
Your eyes are twisted down to a dew entrailed ground
We watch the stars as they slowly fade away and in the clearing sky I see
The cold stone face of morning setting in on me
It's a strange world
It's a very strange world that leaves me
Holding on to nothing when there's nothing left to lose
Your touch is cold and damp, the devil's in your eyes
I wonder why I always let you lead me on this way
'Cause you see only what you want to see
You feel only what you want to
And I am on the outside of your strange world
It's a strange world
It's a very strange world that leaves me
Holding on to nothing when there's nothing left to lose
We're walking hand in hand, we'll walk this way forever
Our eyes have risen to the water's edge watching with the tides
The stars have fallen to another day and the sun warms our path to
Find the reasons leave us far behind in our strange world
It's a strange world
It's a very strange world that leaves me
Holding on to nothing when there's nothing left to lose

Sarah McLachlan
Strange World

I am the luckiest girl alive.

Got back today from another weekend away from home; provincials in Calgary. To make a long story short (and to avoid yet another rant) we didn't get a medal, but I think that we got closer as a team. Point final.

I have a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. I hate that feeling. It really worries me; makes me want to talk to people I know and care for to make sure that nothing bad is happening to them that instinct has found out about I did.

I need to go and do my homework, or at least go back to pretending to do my homework.

I just got back tonight from Ottawa; the host city for the 2005 Biennial Liberal Convention. A convention to work on the party policy, constitution, and to propose changes to the current consitution and party policies. To many, I'm sure that this sounds dull, pointless, and maybe even stupid.

To me, this was the first opportunity among many to meet and discuss policy with other liberals, to hear others' opinions and to have mine heard, and to better a political party that I truly believe in.

Naturally though, one of the highlights of my weekend was shaking hands with the Prime Minister, le tres honorable Paul Martin, as well as Anne McClellan, Stephane Dion, and someone else I know that I'm forgetting. This was actually one of the greatest weekends of my life. I come out of that convention a more confident being, with more ambition and ideas than I ever thought would happen.

I want to rectify certain issues within the Party for a better future.

I want to make the Liberal Party of Canada a better party for more canadians...

...one riding association at a time.


But for now, I must face the harsh reality of books, tests, due dates; something that disappeared over the weekend.