Christmas is gone already. I didn't notice it creeping up on me this year; my presents were bought, the tree was decorated, I just didn't feel the Christmas spirit until the last minute. That feeling was there only for a fleeting moment before it disappeared into a pile of wrapping paper.

(How can doing the right thing make a person angry?)

Christmas Eve at my granny's was pretty fun. My grandpa's sister, my great aunt Hanka came in from California for Christmas, which was really cool cause I haven't seen her since I was about ten. Good food, was finally able to fulfill my week-long craving for borsch and the dumplings that my granny puts in especially for Christmas Eve. Got some krowki (this fudge candy) in my stocking, which made me super happy and hung out with my uncle and cousin at supper. Heard about my other cousin, who's in France staying with one of their families old exchange students, drinking more champagne than she should've and singing her hosts a Christmas song in english.

(Why can people be so cold?)

Talked to my grandad in England Christmas morning before we left for Red Deer and freaked when he started talking to me in Polish not once but three times; had a momentary heart-in-throat moment were I thought that he had Alzheimers or something and he had forgotten that I didn't speak Polish. That was super scary for me. I couldn't handle having another grandparent pass away because of that. Heard good news about Czescha, my step-grandmother, recovering from her stroke. Ate lots of food and thankfully didn't drink too much at my aunt and uncle's place in Red Deer.

Found myself for the first time in months by spending a solid two hours reading like I used to do. I hadn't realised how much that calmed me down, how much just sitting there and absorbing what the artist had written was ultimately me. I had forgotten how much I love doing that.

Sometimes it's a relief to forget the world around me. When I finally come back to the world it seems in much better order, even though nothing has really changed.

(Why can't everyone see a person and not try to change them?)

Everything seems so much clearer, like I can see things and people for what they really are. I can see the hypocrisy and the hurt, the mistrust people have in each other, and the unconditional love that I can get only from my family, because no matter how many times I screw up, hurt them or push them away they seem to forget the little things, like they know I didn't really mean it and make me grow from the bigger, important things.

Grow, always.

While all is still in the night
And silence starts its flow
Become or disbelieve me
Left alone with my heart
I'm learning how to love you

While waiting on the light
How patience learned to grow
Endeavor could relieve me
Left alone with my heart
I know that I can love you

Love you like you may have never been
Move you more ways than you have seen
To a point in the time where we see so much more
Than the ground that we touch
With each step so unsure

As teardrops cloud the sight
Your eyes may never know
No truth could ever fear me
And left alone with my heart
I'm learning how to love you.

Love you like you may have never seen
Move you more ways than you have been
To a point in the time where we see so much more
Than the ground that we touch
With each step so unsure

As teardrops cloud the sight
Your eyes may never know
No truth could ever fear me
And left alone with my heart
I'm learning how to love you.

George Harrison:
learning how to love you

Guess who's going to the Ottawa for the 2005 Biennial Liberal Convention as a youth delegate?
ME!
Guess who was nomitated to be a director for Edmonton-Beaumont by Chinwe Okelu(coolest man to ever run for civic election in my ward)?
ME!(although I'm still not quite sure what the directors do...)
Guess who's team won their soccer game today?
You've guessed it, my team!

Could this day get any better? I think not! Unless some fairies snuck into my room while I was away and did my math homework for me...tee hee! I feel like my mood and attitude towards everything have done a complete 180 from what they have been since the start of December. What a way to get into the Christmas spirit!

Reality check? Wasn't expecting it.

It was a long time coming.

I didn't know things had gotten to this point.

You are an OOMPA LOOMPA!You are the most evil and foul being to walk this
earth. Get therapy! And stay away from my
family!

Monkey? Pizza? Death? Oompa Loompa?
brought to you by

Through the warmthest
Cord of care
Your love was sent to me

I'm not sure
What to do with it
Or where to put it

I'm so close to tears
And so close to
Simply calling you up
I'm simply suggesting

We go to the hidden place
That we go to the hidden place
We go to the hidden place
We go to a hidden place

Now i have
Been slightly shy
And i can smell a pinch of hope
To almost have allowed once fingers
To stroke
The fingers i was given to touch with
But careful, careful
There lies my passion, hiddenT
here lies my love
I'll hide it under a blanket
Lull it to sleep


keep it in a hidden place
I'll keep it in a hidden place
Keep it in a hidden place
Keep it in a hidden place

He's the beautifullest
Fragilest
Still strong
Dark and divine
And the littleness of his movements
Hides himself
He invents a charm that makes him invisible
Hides in the air
Can i hide there too?
Hide in the air of him
Seek solace
Sanctuary

In the hidden place
In a hidden place
In a hidden place
We'll stay in a hidden place
Ooohh in a hidden place
We'll live in a hidden place
We'll be in a hidden place
In a hidden place


Bjork-Hidden Place

I have a stack of information about different schools, scholarship opportunities and programs sitting on my desk.

I do not want to go through that pile. I do not want to have to make a choice about where to go to school for next year.

I don't want to leave home, but I want the experience of leaving home and being on my own for awhile.

I don't want to leave the people and a city that I love, but I don't want those things to hold me back either.

The only thing that I am sure of right now is that I want to study in French. Then, of course, comes the inevitable question: Where do I want to study in French?

It's a vicious cycle.

We must remember. If we do not, the sacrifice of those one hundred thousand Canadian lives will be meaningless. They died for us, for their homes and families and friends, for a collection of traditions they cherished and a future they believed in; they died for Canada. The meaning of their sacrifice rests with our collective national consciousness; our future is their monument.

(Heather Robertson, A Terrible Beauty, The Art of Canada at War, Toronto, Lorimer, 1977.)

Ahhh! Banana!! I can't believe that Bush was re-elected. Fools. At least he can't be re-elected again...Bah.

I can't believe that I missed the provincial election by two days. That's forty-eight hours of pain. Augh!

I was just reading my old journal from junior high, trying to figure out exactly what year it was that I went to England (portfolio stuff) and I just realised what a snob I was. Honestly. I was so judgmental, always taking things and people at face value and not trying to get to know people for who they were and instead judging them on their existence when I didn't really know them at all. Reading it, I felt like such a mean person. I know that at the time, I didn't think that there was anything much out of the ordinary about the things that I was saying (or writing) about the people I knew. I felt that it was normal to gossip about people, to whisper mean things about people I didn't like and that it was understandable that I did the things that I did. Trouble was, I think, that I wasn't thinking. Or maybe I wasn't feeling. Because thought is sometimes what gets me into trouble.

And then I felt like a horrible person again. Judging people I see on the street, passerbys, or people I see at work. Someone will come in and I'll send out a friendly hello to them, and if they don't answer back I write them off as being rude, or unfriendly, or whatever. But those are the ones that are sometimes the most stimulating to talk to. I feel like when I write them off, it's like I'm saying that they're bad people for not responding to my greeting. I know that they aren't bad people, but my actions say otherwise. And I feel like such a mean person. Such a hateful person.

I know that I'm taking the little things for granted. I'm taking my family for granted by not showing more of an interest in what they do, what they feel, who they are because I'm afraid of being shut down. Because I'm scared that I'm such a weak person that I won't be able to handle their criticism, that I won't be able to handle their realness. Like in the Outsiders, when Ponyboy is talking about why he doesn't like Dally as much as Soda and Two-Bit...'Dally was real. I liked my books and clouds and sunsets. Dally was so real he scared me.'(p.76).

I should spend more time with my friends, show that I'm interested in spending time with them, except that I'm scared of rejection, scared that I'm not good enough or interesting enough or compatible enough to do so. I shouldn't take my relationship with David for granted. I can't keep thinking that it's all birds and sunshine, can't keep being mean or unreasonable, I need to try to understand, be understanding, put my needs aside for once to see his needs, to be sensitive...realise and try to understand the whys. I can't keep taking his love for granted, can't expect him to always forgive me when I hurt him or act badly. I need to stop thinking about me, myself, I...I need to think about other people for a change. Think about how other people are feeling. If I keep thinking of myself all the time I will never change, never progress into a better someone.

But at this moment right now, I need to do my porfolio.

What the hell?!

Why don't you treat me with tenderness anymore?
Why aren't you sweet to me anymore?
Why don't you listen to me anymore, listen to my problems, my ideas?
Why don't you try to understand me?
Why do you dismiss me as if I'm your puppet, there solely for your entertainment?
Why don't you want to know me anymore, just want to know the outside?
Why don't you treat me like I'm special to you?
Do I mean anything to you?
Do you respect me? Do you care for me?
Do you love who I am today, or are you still in love with the person that I was?
Why can't you love me and not the person you are trying to change me into?
Why do you interrupt me off to tell of things that are more important to you?
Why am I suddenly afraid to see you, afraid that you'll hurt me, afraid that I'll cry...

So Far Away
Goo Goo Dolls

Why do you stare me down?
Am I wrong?
Should I turn and kiss the ground?
And I never felt that way
I ain't the one and you know I don't come from such a place

And I didn't get those things
Things that you can't grow
You say that it's all my fault
And I don't need to know
Tell me something I don't know
And I'll find that I'm always looking 'round behind me
You said that it's all been said before
Now I find that there's something I don't know

And I hate your attitude
I ain't scared at all
'Cause it don't matter what you do
And I'll turn around to see the truth
You're tearing it down, yeah, you're bringing it down
And it's all on you

And I didn't get those things
Things that you can't grow
You say that it's all my fault
And I don't need to know

Tell me something I don't know
And I'll find that I'm always looking 'round behind me
You said that it's all been said before
Now I find that there's something I don't know

And I know
I don't know

And I say that
If you break enough glass and there's no one to hear
And your heart's full of hate
'Cause your mind's full of fear
Let it go

So far away
So far away
So far away
Oh so far away
So far away
So far away


Worst day ever. Ever. Bear in mind that I didn't write this, it just has a rythym that hits a parallel with what I'm feeling...

"Ici je voudrais que le marbre reste le marbre; que le granit reste le granit; que le chêne reste le chêne; puis de la réunion de tous ces éléments, je ferais du Canada une des grandes nations du monde."

- Jean Chevrier

What is

What is love to you
what is love to me?
when we both don't know
what could it mean?

Is it a rose in a vase
or a note on the side?
Do you feel good all over
your heart has no need to hide?

Is it holding hands when we walk
or dancing close to a slow song,
when if feels this right
it can never be wrong?

Is it tender kisses on the cheek
sweetly sent from you,
lost in a world of our own
I've never dreamed it true?

What is love to you
what is love to me?
when we both don't know
what could it mean?

Marie Lemieux

I hate this life.

Please sir, may I have another?

It has occurred to me that in less than a year I will (hopefully) be at some sort of post-secondary institution. I have also realised that I don't really have much money to pay for that sort of an education. So here I am, Friday night, and I have just spent the last hour and a half scouring the net for scholarships that I am eligible for. I also spent the last hour and a half realising that the chance of me getting most of those scholarships are in the neighbourhood of slim to none.

I'm starting to question whether or not the notion of staying in Edmonton for post-secondary is a good idea. I want to be somewhere other than here, living with my parents and stuck in a rut. I'm seriously considering going to university somewhere out east, likely Quebec or Ontario where I could pursue my studies in French. I want to live somewhere else, experience something different, and surround myself with new sites, new people, and new outlooks. I want what's best for me, and I think that going to university down east is what's best for me, even though I'm scared thinking of the prospect of being by myself in an unfamiliar setting.

I'm so confused right now. There are so many things I have to consider before I make such a major choice. I know I have to consider my well-being and my future above all, because ultimately I will have to live with the consequences of my choice. I wish I had some sort of super-computer that could tell me the outcomes of each of the choices....

Why can't I just work this out in my head?! Where is my fairy godmother when I need her?

http://www.kwiz.biz/showquiz.php?quizid=459" method="post">

Your Years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Name
Age
House	GryffindorHufflepuffRavenclawSlytherin
Family Line	MugglebornHalf-BloodPure-Blood
Dated	Harry Potter
You are well known for	Blowing up the Potions classroom in 4th Year
Percentage of student body you shagged - 28%
How do the staff and students feel about you	Will you Marry me?!?!!
This fun quiz by lady_ameily - Taken 212089 Times.

New - Help with love and dating!

This is such a load of crap! He's just trying to get people to think that he's actually listening to them. Well, that's what I think anyhow. You have to watch old Ralph Klein. Cause when you think that he's turning over a new leaf, that's when he's trying to trick you. He's a sketchy guy.

At your ten year high school reunion... by robbiewriter
Your school name
Your name
Your job will be	Corrupt Politician
You will be worth	$712,907
Everyone will think you	Used to have a crush on them
Quiz created with MemeGen!

affirmation

I love you when you're happy
I love you when you're blue
I love you when you're mad at me
So how can I get tired of you
A lots of other (guys) I've seen
They know how to treat (girls) mean
But you would rather die than ever hurt me
So please don't ever change
Now don't you ever change
Just promise me you're always gonna to be
As sweet as you are
Please don't ever change
Don't you ever change

Goffin/King


Have I ever mentioned that I love how some songs can say exactly what I'm feeling? Well, if I haven't, then I am now: I love how some songs express exactly what I feel, and how they touch me in the way that they do. I love how no matter what some people think, they can't dispute how some people or things make me feel. No matter how some people will treat me because of this, I love David. He makes me incredibly happy, and I am able to do the same for him. Whatever people might feel about him shouldn't change how they feel about me. I've been a fool, thinking that people whom I thought were friends would ditch me because I'm in a relationship with him. If those people are truly friends, if they truly care about me, they won’t stop spending time with me again because I'm in a relationship with someone. Well, it's all out in the open now. Everyone will know soon.

Alors, la scandale est fini. Ou est-ce que ça vient de commencer?

Why am I one of the few people who are upset about this?

My sister is thrilled to death that Target may be rolling into town, because they have nice, inexpensive clothes.

Canadian society as we know it is disappearing...Too bad no one has noticed.

It was announced yesterday that Canada's oldest corporation, the Hudsons Bay Company, is up for sale by the American company, Target. HBC has been in Canada for 334 years, and they're likely to bow down to the American corporations just like all the others in the past; Shoppers Drug Mart, Tim Hortons, Gulf Canada Resources, Club Monaco, Canstar, Aikenhead Hardware(now the Home Depot)... All formerly Canadian companies that were bought out by American corporations. And that is only a small part of the list.

HBC is a part of our history; it was established in 1670 and they owned all the land in the Hudsons Bay watershed, which is about one-third the size of Canada today. How can they just sell that to the Americans? Target wants to convert around half of the more than 300 Zellers stores into Target locations, and turn some Bay stores into Target outlets. What are they going to do with Fields? We thought that we were up for sale by Giant Tiger, but apparently they're owned by HBC as well.

'Investment bankers and individuals close to HBC and Target say the toughest part of any deal will be determining the fate of the Bay and Zellers locations on a store-by-store basis, because there will be costs associated with closing them and breaking leases, but potential gains from selling some locations to other retailers.'

(The Globe and Mail online)

How many Canadians will lose their jobs over this possible sale? Of course, I use the word 'possible' very loosely. An associate at work knows people who live in the states. They say that the Target stores across the country are flaunting their bid to purchase HBC by displaying signs proclaiming, "We are moving across the border!".

As my manager said, how much longer until the Americans buy us all out?

How can I go forward when I don't know which way I'm facing? How can I go
forward when I don't know which way to turn? How can I go forward into something
I'm not sure of? Oh no, oh no

How can I have feeling when I don't know if it's a feeling? How can I feel
something if I just don't know how to feel? How can I have feelings when my
feelings have always been denied? Oh no, oh no

You know life can be long And you got to be so strong And the world is so
tough Sometimes I feel I've had enough

John Lennon

Introverted (I) 67.74% Extroverted (E) 32.26% Imaginative (N) 51.28% Realistic (S) 48.72% Emotional (F) 55.26% Intellectual (T) 44.74% Easygoing (P) 50% Organized (J) 50% Your type is: INFJ You are a Guide, possible professions include - career counselor, psychologist, educational consultant, special education teacher, librarian, artist, playwright, novelist/poet, editor/art director, information-graphics, designer, HRM manager, merchandise planner, environmental lawyer, marketer, job analyst, mental health counselor, dietitian/nutritionist, research, educational consultant, architects, interpreter/translator.

Take Free Career Inventory Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

I wish I didn't have to ask for your attention, that I didn't have to ask you to listen to me when I spoke. I wish that you heard what I said, saw what I wrote. I wish I didn't have to change in order for you to do all that.

I want to be able to talk to you, want you to hear the words coming out of my mouth and too see you pause to reflect; not just rush into what you have been thinking about while I was talking and make me feel small and unimportant. I want you to take my feelings into consideration. I want you to realise that I don't always want or need a logical answer; sometimes I just need you to listen to my worries and to sooth me, not to dismiss my thoughts with a wave of your hand and plunder on with your reasons why my feelings are wrong.

I want to have fun with you again. I want to make you happy and have you do the same for me.

Why is love so complicated?

Things that you may not know and probably don't want to know...

 
Aujourd'hui en...
"1782-Les marseillais entrent dans Paris en chantant "Le chant de guerre pour l'armée du Rhin" que l'on nommera à tort "La Marseillaise".
1815-Exil de Napoléon à Sainte-Hélène."
 
Fête Nationale...
La République de Vanatu
 
Naissances célèbres...
"1818-Emilie Brontë, écrivain.
1863-Henry Ford, père du travail à la chaîne.
1889-Vladimir Zworykin, co-inventeur de la télévision.
1947-rnold Schwarzenegger, acteur "Predator, Conan, Terminator, ..."."
 
Décès célèbres...
"1898-Otto Von Bismark, homme d'état Prussien."
 
(L’Éphéméride du 30 juillet)
 
 

*giggles* I got the most beautiful cleats yesterday. *sigh* Lotto sheva. Silver and blue. The new apple of my eye. I can't wait to try them out. I'll have to go out by myself though; we were supposed to have an exhibition game tomorrow but the other team cancelled. Darn.

I'm going to Divine tomorrow to get a shorter barbell. No more of this 1" business. That thing is getting annoying, and I keep accidentally grossing people out with the longness.  I feel so evil *grins*.

I had the best weekend ever. It was more than I thought it could ever be; I didn't know it would feel so right.

Well my dears, I'm off to bed. Sweet dreams everyone! 

I am in such a good mood right now. Nothing could spoil this mood for me. I went on a downtown adventure to the library (I, of course, being the nerd that I am, decided that I wanted to read more history type books). My dad offered to give me a lift, but what he really meant was that I was going to drive, which means going up the scary-ass hill downtown! I was so freaked out, but once I started to accelerate it was less scary...Except for my whole height problem thing. Eep. But it was alright. My dad thought I did well enough and I had fun on Jasper Ave and going downhill before going up that huge hill.

Then we went out for supper at Boston Pizza, just the two of us because Kelsey is somewhere with her soccer team, my mom is somewhere, my brother is working and of course Erin is in Nova Scotia. Since we were already in South Edmonton Common we went to Best Buy to bug John and he found the 'Pretty in Pink' soundtrack that I've been looking for for months! He is now officially my hero! Now here I am, listening to the awesome eighties music playing on my computer and so looking forward to the weekend. Hee hee. My parents and Kelsey are gone all weekend, but unfortunately I'm working all weekend(including Friday) but that's alright; have no fear, something absolutely wonderful is going to happen. Great movie of the moment? 'Love Actually', for it's subtle cheesiness and feel-good plot. I love it! I think I'm going to watch it once more before it goes back to Blockbusters.

Muahahaha.  
 
Oh, and for all of you whowere wondering what Martin's new cabinet looks like, just click on the link.

When I was at work yesterday, one of the customers that will sometimes stop in to chat with me came to the counter. I hadn't seen him in such a long time; it was really awesome to see him. He said hello, asked how I was doing and then asked what my plans were for the summer, if I was going to do anything exciting. I told him no and asked what his plans were, to which he replied, nothing really. Then he said, wow, you look beautiful. I blushed and mumbled thanks, and he said your eyes are beautiful too. I stuttered another thanks, and then he smiled gently at me, patted my hand, and told me to take care.

That was just one of the events that made my day. The other was sadly clouded by petty anger and hurt, which I bitterly expressed by taking indirect shots at the people I love; one person in particular got the brunt of that. They have been harmed that way for far too long and should never have been hurt like that in the first place. I want to stop taking my problems out on other people. I want to be able to share what I'm feeling, to admit that I have problems. I want to talk about those problems and finally be able to solve them and have you share your own problems with me. I want to stop being afraid and to go back to the basics. I love you. I don't want to lose this. I want to be close again. I want to make you happy.

'i'm frightened by what i see
but somehow i know that there's much more to come
immobilized by my fear
and soon to be blinded by tears
i can stop the pain if i will it all away'
-Evanescence

I hate waiting for something that I know is going to happen. Butterflies in my stomach, heart racing, lightheaded, eyes wide open... I wish that I could see into the future. Better yet, I wish I were in kindergarten, where my only problem was whether or not I was going to eat a good morning snack. Why can't I just know what the problem is and fix it? Why all the emotional turmoil? OK, so I'm being dramatic. Better than a relationship without an obvious emotional connection, where I don't know what they're feeling, thinking, how they're going to act...what decision they will make.

Ou est l'amour?

Green You are a very calm and contemplative person. Others are drawn to your peaceful, nurturing nature. Find out your color at Quiz Me!

LIBERAL MINORITY!! LIBERAL MINORITY!!

Debby lost to skanky Rahim, but next election Edmonton-Strathcona is going to be painted red! This isn't over, Jaffer! This time, it's personal.

Oh, and did I mention? LIBERAL MINORITY!

Now we just have to wait how this all plays down. If the Liberal party forms any kinds of a coalition or alliance, especially with the NDP, then there are going to be some serious repercussions in Alberta, what with the oil and industries we have going here. Of course, those repercussions are going to be interesting with the lack of Liberal victories in our blue province (two seats, Edmonton-Beaumont(Kilgour) and Edmonton-Centre(McLellan)) and the Conservative government provincially.

I must say, this is going to be interesting, at least until the government inevitably falls.

I was walking to the bus stop from the campaign office yesterday and a guy leaned out of his window, honked and started swearing at me, saying something about skinheads.

I was walking home from work today and a guy leaned out of his window and yelled, "Get some hair!".

I have lost all faith in natural selection.

Aujourd'hui en 1789...

Les députés du Tiers Etat jurent de ne pas se séparer sans avoir donné une constitution à la France. C'est le Serment du Jeu de Paume! (Éphéméride du 20 juin)

Trop d'étude? Je pense qu’oui!

'...shades of mediocrity...'

I don't know what's been going on with me lately. I feel so bleah, so average. I've started to realise that there really isn't anything special about me, anything that stands out to people when they look at me. They'll say, "and Shannon...Well, she's good at...hmm...Well, she sure is a nice girl...". The lyrics from a Simon and Garfunkel song keep running through my head: 'But all my words come back to me/In shades of mediocrity/Like emptiness in harmony/I need someone to comfort me'. I wish that I had a special talent, like Jack, who's so good at soccer, and Ness, who's awesome at social justice things and with people, and Ashley, who's so creative and funny. Maybe I just need to discover what my talent is, although last time I tried to do that I was disappointed at the lack of things that I could do well. Ugh. I hate feeling sorry for myself. It makes me look so pathetic and it makes me feel so negative. Enough of this. Time to go and study for chem one last time before my quiz.

Patterns (Simon and Garfunkel)

The night sets softly
With the hush of falling leaves,
Casting shivering shadows
On the houses through the trees,
And the light from a street lamp
Paints a pattern on my wall,
Like the pieces of a puzzle
Or a child's uneven scrawl.

Up a narrow flight of stairs
In a narrow little room,
As I lie upon my bed
In the early evening gloom.
Impaled on my wall
My eyes can dimly see
The pattern of my life
And the puzzle that is me.

From the moment of my birth
To the instant of my death,
There are patterns I must follow
Just as I must breathe each breath.
Like a rat in a maze
The path before me lies,
And the pattern never alters
Until the rat dies.

And the pattern still remains
On the wall where darkness fell,
And it's fitting that it should,
For in darkness I must dwell.
Like the color of my skin,
Or the day that I grow old,
My life is made of patterns
That can scarcely be controlled.

Lion King!


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

*starts singing the Circle of Life and gets hit by a rotten tomato*

Damn kids!

I'm feeling so frickin proud of myself! I know all you template guries out there are all like, no biggie, but I finally figured out how to put pictures into my template!!(yes, I am slow!) It took me awhile, but I finally got this one to look the way that I wanted it to! Yay! *so happy*

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Hark! Who is that, running out of the icy wasteland! It is Rover, hands clutching two hardened pitas! And with a low cry, her voice cometh: "I'm going to beat you in such an inhumane manner, the devil himself will plead for mercy!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

Why do people seem to feel the need to stick their noses in other people's business? And why the fuck do people care what other people are doing with their lives, when the outcome and what they are doing doesn't affect them in the slightest? Why can't people just grow up and stop judging people and alienating them for making choices that have nothing at all to do with them. I see the looks, the glares, if you have a fucking problem with someone, then tell them. Don't take the chicken shit way out and talk about people behind their backs just loudly enough for them to hear you, and then look shocked when they have the nerve to turn around and tell you to fuck off; don't give them the 'what the hell, you're so weird,you aren't worth the gum on my shoes' look and make them feel like shit. It really won't make you feel better for long, an eventually people will get sick of that shit.

Do everyone, including yourself, a favour and get a life.

"Dr. Timothy Roberts from the University of Rochester School of Medicine in New York presented study results on 4,500 adolescents aged 12 to 21 and found that teens with body piercings are more likely to smoke cigarettes, use drugs and exhibit other types of unhealthy behavior. Study findings were presented at the Society of Adolescent Medicine's annual meeting in Boston." (Oral Health Risks of Tongue Piercing)

So that's where my parents get that crap from.

Can anyone say 'paranoid' and 'coincidence'? I sure as hell can. And I'll do it with a piercing, not doing drugs.

Whatever.

Lillywhite

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Well. That's interesting. I'll be sure to keep that in mind...

Today was an alright day. Work sucked, but I sorta expected that. I got a lot done though, cleaned up the place pretty well. Too bad Heather stayed in the back almost all shift, so I ended up being alone for the majority. I hate being out on the floor by myself. It's scary sometimes, if creepy people come in(not often, but still!) or stupid little hoodlums come in and I have to do cash and make sure the little shits don't steal anything (yeah right, they do it anyways, the creeps!). I hate that my work is so hypocritical. Like my boss. She goes on this huge rant about how the second till is never clean, and then she leaves her crap there for other people to clean up. Or the smoking issue(I know, it's getting old!). They aren't supposed to smoke in the back, and they posted it up on the bulletin board, put a sign on the staff room door, but now they smoke in the office and in the staff room sometimes, as I found out when I went to check my hours a couple of weeks ago. I hated that they looked so shocked to see me and how they don't think that I know that they're smoking in the office. They know that it's illegal to smoke in there. I don't know what to do. Maybe an anonymous call to bylaw is in order, cause I don't want to work there all summer and risk getting lung cancer or some shit like that because they think that they're above the law. Grr.

Anyways. My soccer game went ok, the forwards just couldn't get the ball in the net for some reason...They were kind of off today. My grandpa came to watch me, which made me really happy cause I didn't think that my grandparents gave a damn about my soccer. I actually played really well, and my parents and some people on my team even told me so! I was so proud. I hope that I feel that motivated on Tuesday, cause we have to win that one if we want to move up in the standings.

I'm worried about some people. I thought that I knew some people, but some of them have changed so much, I don't know if I like who they are now. I want to be their friend, but some things are just hard to get over. I never knew people could change from being one of the nicest people I knew into someone so judgmental and mean.Hmm..What else is going on in my life?

I'm worried about what kind of government we're going to end up with after June 28. I really hope that we have a majority Liberal government. If we get a Conservative government, then our social programs are going to die and healthcare is going to be too expensive for some people to afford. If we get an NDP government, then we're going to be in deficit within a year, probably. I don't know if a minority government would be a good thing or a bad thing. This is really weird for me, cause I've never been this involved in an election, and I've never cared so much about who's going to win. I've never felt so passionate about who's going to govern the country, my country. I don't want anyone to change Canada into the type of system that the US has, because then we wouldn't be unique. We would be just another state, whether or not we're officially annexed or not. *sigh*

Anyways, I'm just procrastinating. I'm supposed to be working on my English essay...I've got a good start on it, and I have two blocks tomorrow to work on it if I really need to. I hope that you all enjoyed this super long post! It feels good to write this much,I haven't written this much in such a long time. Anyways, good luck studying for finals and getting through all the last minute work you all know is coming!

You think you suck. You don't really have much self
esteem, but I guess you knew that allready.


seriously, who do you think you are?
brought to you by Quizilla

Rain

The Beatles

If the rain comes they run and hide their heads.
They might as well be dead.
If the rain comes, if the rain comes.
When the sun shines they slip into the shade
(When the sun shines down.)
And sip their lemonade.
(When the sun shines down.)
When the sun shines, when the sun shines.
Rain, I don't mind.
Shine, the weather's fine.
I can show you that when it starts to rain,
(When the Rain comes down.)
Everything's the same.
(When the Rain comes down.)
I can show you, I can show you.
Rain, I don't mind.
Shine, the weather's fine.
Can you hear me, that when it rains and shines,
(When it Rains and shines.)
It's just a state of mind?
(When it rains and shines.)
Can you hear me, can you hear me?
If the rain comes they run and hide their heads.
sdaeh rieht edih dna nur yeht semoc niar eht fI.
(Rain)
naiR.
(Rain)
enihsnuS.

I am in such a good mood. How could I not be? I've been playing soccer all weekend! I got different ankle braces, and they seem to be doing the job. Maybe now I'll actually play well at school games. Ya never know.

I must admit, I am very nervous about the social project, and a bit worried about certain people. Vanessa and I have been doing all the work, cause Erika has been absent for most of the days that we've been working on it. We shall see how it finishes up. I have the posterboard here (shh!) and the written part to correct and make additions to. Wish me luck, tout le monde! Have a great long weekend!

You guys should all take a look at this site . Really makes you think. Well, it really made me think anyways, about the way I see people and certain situations. Ciao!

Exhilarated

Today was a pretty good day. I've been feeling so positive lately, just the last few weeks. I feel like I can do anything, and that I can handle anything that comes my way. I don't usually have this much self-confidence, but ever since the Forum it's been building slowly but surely. I don't feel awkward in certain situations, and I know what to do with myself in most circumstances. I feel like I can handle anything that comes my way, and I no longer look back on every decision I make and question my actions later. I feel like I can trust myself and what I'm doing, to make an honest effort to look at all sides of situations and come out with an answer. I like this feeling. I hope that it lasts. Well, to sleep I go. Ciao!

Alone
The Bee Gees

I was a midnight rider on a cloud of smoke
I could make a woman hang on every single stroke
I was an iron man
I had a master plan
But I was alone

I could hear you breathing
With a sigh of the wind
I remember how your body started trembling
Oh, what's a night it's been
And for the state I'm in
I'm still alone

And all the wonders made for the Earth
And all the hearts in all creation
Somehow I always end up alone
Always end up alone

So I play, I'll wait
'Cause you know that love takes time
We came so far
Just the beat of a lonely heart
And it's mine
I don't want to be alone

Well, since I got no message on your answer phone
And since you're busy every minute.
I just stay at home
I make believe you care
I feel you everywhere
But I'm still alone

I'm on a wheel of fortune with a twist of fate
'Cause I know it isn't heaven, is it love or hate
Am I the subject of the pain
An I the stranger in the rain
I am alone

And if there glory there to behold
Maybe it's my imagination
Another story there to be told

So I play, I'll wait
And I pray it's not too late
We came so far
Just a beat of a lonely heart
And it's mine
I don't want to be alone

And all the wonders made for the Earth
And all the hearts in all creation
Another story there to be told

So I play, I'll wait
And I pray it's not too late
We came so far
Just a beat of a lonely heart
And it's mine
I don't want to be alone

Gone, but not out of sight
I'm caught in the rain and there's no one home
Face the heat of the night
The one that you love's got a heart that's made of stone

Shine and search for the light
And sooner or later you'll be cruising on your ocean

And clean out of sight
I'm caught in the rain and there's no one home

Alive
Edwin

It feels so good to breathe the air
Another spin around the sun
On this spec of life in the universe
the gift of love is there for everyone

Angels working overtime
day or night to hold the hands that play all alone
a babe is born pure to the world as the old man lays down his head
and closes his eyes with nothing said
every year another promise is made
a pint of beer raised towards a better day
lets find a star a star to call our own
and make the wish maybe we can't make it home

ain't it good to be alive
to feel the sun strong against your face
strawberry blond waves of silky hair
spills over me like the milky way

ain't it good to be alive
ain't it good to be alive
alive alive
alive alive

ain't it good to breathe the air
another spin around the sun
on this spec of light in the universe
a little peace of love in everyone

ain't it good to be alive
ain't it good to be alive
to feel the sun strong against your face
spills over me like the milky way


alive alive alive alive alive

Today was ass...but I'm in a pretty good mood right now. Go figure.

I feel like everyone is watching and waiting for something to happen. For something to give. This middle ground can't last forever. Something is going to ruin everything. Then I'll be left standing there, shocked, as it all crumbles around me...again.

I am in such a good mood! I had a practice today, which went surprisingly well (I think that I still need to practice outside of those practices though) and then my dad picked me up and we went shopping (aaahh, Home Depot and Walmart) and then I got some timmy's for lunch! I think that I may still be hyper from the caffeine, but that's dandy! My parents agreed to let me have the Think Fast thing here, well, for the five or six people who have already decided to do it...but no guys. Sorry! My mom is just a wee bit conservative and figures that if some guys sleep over then we're all going to have a wild orgy or something *shrugs* . Oh well. Whee. Work was fun yesterday, OMG it was the funniest thing. The shelves kept collapsing(well, twice counts). The first time I was bagging for Heather cause it was pretty busy and no one was paying cash (one of the registers is cash only and the other one is everything) when suddenly there was this huge crash, and there were cans all over the floor. Only one of the brackets fell out,so I was half holding up the shelf and trying to get the rest of the cans off of the shelf while Heather was working the till...that was an adventure. So we got everything picked up and put the shelf into a different bracket.. and then Heather came over laughing and told me that she needed my help...and there was one of the shelves with the lamps on it, half falling down..I swear, we must be cursed or something. Hee hee. In the morning, the alarm system of the bingo hall across the mall from us went off, until about 10 or 10:30, which was funny. Apparently they have this intake thing on the roof and they forgot to close it that night, and the wind was pretty bad, so it set of the alarm...The security guys weren't too impressed. That place goes through security guards so frickin fast! I don't think that any of the ones that were there before Christmas are still there. They just have all these new guys, and only one of them comes around to talk to us. He's a funny guy though, so it's all good. Oh, and yesterday I got to watch Master and Commander. That movie is so awesome! Man I'm feeling long-winded. Anyways, we apparently have another soccer tryout tomorrow for school soccer, cause we didn't actually have enough to have a tryout last time, so apparently if we made the team in the first place we have to try out again. That place is such a gong show. Oh well. I hope that I make it (again). We still won't have a real goalie; Dvorak was trying to convince Michelle Kirkwood in grade 10 to do it, but apparently she has a really bad attitude...we will see. Hmm...I should probably be doing something productive *cough* social *cough*. Heh heh. Oh, and did I mention that our book critique is due in a week? Funny how I forgot about that and still have to read my book. Lol. Anyways, enough procrastinating...BTW, our God is an awesome God!Woot!

Know what I noticed? When I don't get any sleep, I am so much more awake, so much more outgoing, and I get along with people better(for the most part anyways, sauf quand je fais des stupidités).Untill I get home. Then all I want to do is sleep, and my dad tells me not to because when it comes time to actually go to bed I won't be able to sleep and I'll be up all night. I tell him that it's doubtful that that will happen, but I can't tell him why I think that cause then he'll get pissed off at me and give me a bedtime or something. Arg. I wish I'd had a soccer practice today. I'm starting to get into the habit of playing soccer every day, and missing a day throws me off, especially when it's so windy that I can't go and practice on my own *pouts*. Oh well. I want to move to Ottawa! Or Manitoba. Man, those toba kids sure know how to party! Oh, btw,the strange guy with the glasses was one of thecounselorss from my forum session, one of the coolest ones, and the other two are fellow forum alumnus. Man, I really need to learn when to shut up. Oh, the coolest part of my day was by far when we got to do javelin in gym class! I'm so glad that I decided to take gym! I totally sucked at first but then M. Gaudreault came out and he worked with Katelyn and I and then I got it! Yay! It's so frickin cool, I wish that they had taught it to us last year! Oh, and I found out that with a political sciences degree, I'm not going to be making much at all...good thing I'm not going into it for the money ;). Anyways, je suis fatigué.. à demain tout le monde!

Redundant

Green Day

We're living in repetition.
Content in hte same old shtick again.
Now the routine's turning to contention,
Like a porduction line going over and over and over, roller coaster

Now I cannot speak, I lost my voice
I'm speachless and redundant
'Cause I love you's not enough
I'm lost for words.

Choreographed and lack of passion
Prototypes of what we were
Went full circle 'til I'm nauseous
Taken for granted now
I waste it, faked it, ate it, now i hate it

Oh, I'm sorry, am I not good enough for you? Then bugger off and quit demeaning me. From what I've heard you say, we would both be a lot happier. But if you want my opinion, then go ahead, ask for it. Just stop playing games.

Have you ever had one of those days where you just want to run up and down the streets, yelling the worst obscenities anyone has ever heard?

I've been having a lot of days like that.

miss grumpy pants

Blah bleah bla. You know what I need(besides some gummy glow worms)? I need to depend on myself for happiness, and not have to depend on other people or what other people will do, say, are...I'll figure this out eventually. Give me time. My soccer practice was cancelled because of the weather, so I got to stay home and fine tune my English project (yipee!). This caused much rage (combined with some other things of course). Today was a rageful day as well. Such a freakin bad day. I wanted to go home and catch up on my sleep, cause two hours isn't enough for me and all school was doing was contributing to my anger. I probably should've. It would've saved...Well, nothing, cause no one noticed that I was in a bad mood...So it all worked out! Did I mention that I really want gummy glow worms? That and some more borscht. I only get it a couple of times a year at my granny's and that just isn't enough...It's sooo good...Aw, I have to figure out a way to get my parents to let me get my eyebrow done during the summer, cause otherwise with soccer it'll take too long to heal and it will be more painful than it needs to be...Well, I think I've put off sleeping, or studying, or whatever it was that I was going to do before I decided to post long enough. Ciao.

The Wind

Cat Stevens

I listen to the wind
to the wind of my soul
Where I'll end up well I think,
only God really knows
I've sat upon the setting sun
But never, never never never
I never wanted water once
No, never, never, never

I listen to my words but
they fall far below
I let my music take me where
my heart wants to go
I swam upon the devil's lake
But never, never never never
I'll never make the same mistake
No, never, never, never

I like the Pope. Happy easter everybody!

Jack Ass
Green Day

To know you is to hate you
So loving you must be like suicide
I don't mind if you don't mind
hell I'm not the one that's going to die
I guess I just can't listen
To this one sided conversation again
'cause I don't care if I don't care
No one ever said that life is fair

Everybody loves a jumper
But no one likes a fool
And you're always cracking the same old lines again
You're well rehearsed on every verse
And that was stated clear
But no one understands your verity

The center of attention
Got an honorable mention once again
Congratulations and salutations
You're a figment of your own imagination

Everybody loves a jumper
But no one likes a fool
And you're always cracking the same old lines again
You're well rehearsed on every verse
And that was stated clear
But no one understands your verity

To know you is to bait you
And you fell victim to your own denial
I don't mind if you don't mind
If you're wasting all your time


Fuck. Ugh. That's it. It's done. Those lyrics say it all.

Walking contradiction

I just got back from my work. Had to ask for some time off, but I can work Fridays now. So I hope that it's all good. My assistant manager(Dorothy) seemed alright with it. My manager(Heather) wasn't in though, so Dorothy got me to write her a note explaining that I couldn't work Sundays unless she absolutely needs me to, cause I have practice every Sunday till the end of June, and if I miss a practice then I'm benched for half a game. I really don't want to piss this coach off. So hopefully she accepts my offer of working Fridays now. Plus I had to tell her about some tournaments that I might possibly need to have off for, cause one of the is out of town. Fun. Not exactly a screaming success, but I'll take what I can get. Hopefully she gets in touch with me soon. I hate doing this though. I feel like I made a commitment to work, so I shouldn't be bailing out of it so often. Gray. Oh well. I suppose it'll all work out in the end, one way or another. Today was a sucky day, but I guess I'll get over it. No better way to do that than by diving into my homework. Fun fun. Oh well, at least this way I won't get stuck with a huge heap of it over Easter weekend. Hopefully everything will turn out, and I'll finally make a decision one way or another. I hope that everyone enjoyed their first day back from holidays. Oh, and for Jarrah, thank you for my pretty bracelet! I took my other ones off, so it doesn't clash! Yay for pretties! Anyways. Ciao!

Wee!

Ok. So I had a tryout/practice thing today for the U-18 selects team. So I went and the coach had to tell me to relax and to smile, because I totally freak out at tryouts and I do crappily for some reason. After I relaxed, the practice was really good. I haven't had a good practice like that since outdoor last year. So apparently it wasn't really a practice; after the coach e-mailed me about the practice he put me on his team anyways, because the assistant coach(an old coach of mine) told me that I was the type of player he likes and that I should be on his team. I am so happy! I haven't played on a well put together team for a long time, and it's so refreshing to actually have a coach that cares about the players and the team as a whole, and wants to keep us together for a long time. Plus, I've played with half of the players before (oh, and Melissa is on the team too) and I get along well with the ones that were there. Wee! Well, I'm superbly behind on my chem homework, so I'd better go and do that before it's too late and Dunkley eats me tomorrow. I hope that everyone had an awesome spring break, wherever you all were and that you're all looking forward to school tomorrow(hee hee, just jokes)! Ciao!

Wonderwall

Oasis

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realised what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now
Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
but I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day?
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realised what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me

Have I ever mentioned that it's easier to post a song to explain how I feel than it is to just write about it? Well, if I haven't, then I have now. Ciao.

Overs

Simon and Garfunkel

Why don't we stop fooling ourselves?
The game is over,
Over,
Over.

No good times, no bad times,
There's no times at all,
Just The New York Times,
Sitting on the windowsill
Near the flowers.

We might as well be apart.
It hardly matters,
We sleep separately.

And drop a smile passing in the hall
But there's no laughs left
'Cause we laughed them all.
And we laughed them all
In a very short time.

Time
Is tapping on my forehead,
Hanging from my mirror,
Rattling the teacups,
And I wonder,
How long can I delay?
We're just a habit
Like saccharin.

And I'm habitually feelin' kinda blue.

But each time I try on
The thought of leaving you,
I stop...
I stop and think it over

Argh. Bleah. I hope that everyone has enjoyed their spring break! Ciao.

Oh my goodness.

Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)

Green Day

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to do.
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why.
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind.
Hang it on a shelf of good health and good time.
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial.
For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.
I hope you had the time of your life.

I hope you had the time of your life.

I miss Ottawa. I mean, it's great to be back and all, but I had such a great time there. I really hope that we don't lose touch with each other. It was so unbelievably cool to have conversations about politics and global/national issues with so many different people. I learned so freakin much. The coolest thing was seeing question period in the House of Commons. I got to see Paul Martin and all the members of Parliament up close, and I got to see a liberal insult Stockwell Day...They said "Put your wetsuit back on, Stockwell!" Awesome. Then there was our first ministers simulation on Friday. Alberta ended up separating from the rest of Canada and forming the Republic of Alberta. It was awesome. Plus I learned some French slang from my roommate. Unfortunately, I couldn't see the release of this. I love Ottawa. I think I'm going to move there someday. I loved the Forum. I didn't want to leave. It was so sad on Saturday when everyone left. It was such a great experience. I also think that the counselors and the people who came had a lot to do with its greatness. I was chatting with the session four people and counselors cause our plane was delayed twelve hours and I think that our counselors were more fun. Especially Russ. He's awesome. I've got show you guys pictures from my Forum experience. Anyways. I'm exhausted, so I think that I'm going to go and sleep. I hope that everyone is having fun doing whatever it is that you're doing for spring break! Ciao!

Cloudy

Simon and Garfunkel

Cloudy
The sky is gray and white and cloudy,
Sometimes I think it's hanging down on me.
And it's a hitchhike a hundred miles.
I'm a rag-a-muffin child.
Pointed finger-painted smile.
I left my shadow waiting down the road for me a while.

Cloudy
My thoughts are scattered and they're cloudy,
They have no borders, no boundaries.
They echo and they swell
From Tolstoy to Tinker Bell.
Down from Berkeley to Carmel.
Got some pictures in my pocket and a lot of time to kill.

Hey sunshine
I haven't seen you in a long time.
Why don't you show your face and bend my mind?
These clouds stick to the sky
Like floating questions, why?
And they linger there to die.
They don't know where they are going, and, my friend, neither do I.

Cloudy,
Cloudy.


I'm so freakin excited to go to Ottawa! It sucks having to leave so early, but that's ok; I probably won't sleep much anyways. There's only one other girl from Edmonton coming, and 4 guys, I think. Anyways. I really hope that it'll be fun! Something really strange happened today, I feel really strange about it. Nothing I feel like writing about, but felt that it was noteworthy cause I can't get it out of my head. I feel like everything was great, and then that happened, and everything is unsure again...Anyways, I'm not going down that road again. I can't. I have so much stuff to do this afternoon to get ready to leave on Saturday, and homework. Bleah. I should go and work on that. Hope that everyone has a great week! Ciao!

when I am king

So this guy phoned me up like half an hour ago, and apparently my old coach from two seasons ago told him that I was a good soccer player. So he wants me to try out for the U-18 selects team...He's supposed to send me the practice times for his current U-16 team, so that I can try out in a "non-threatening environment". Weird. And then I'm supposed to try out with everyone else at the official tryouts on the 18th. Thought that it was cool of my old coach to do that...his daughters and some of the people that were on my team that year are on that team, so it would be cool to get on it. Oh, and I've decided to try out for the school team. In case any of yous was interested. Ugh...I think that I'm getting sick. But I refuse to miss out on the dissecting tomorrow!! So I'm going to go and sleep...after I get that e-mail from that coach. I hope that the senior girls won, but if you ladies didn't, we still love you! The junior girls lost by 17 points, so they're out. Hopefully I'll see y'all tomorrow. Ciao!

Consequence Free

I had one of the worst social classes ever. I had my hand up three times, and she didn't call on me once. Argh! Plus, the same happened to Jen! Does she just not like that corner or something? I was going to contribute a different opinion to that whole communism thing, what kind of people the communists think we are. It is so frustrating not being able to share an opinion or even ask a question because the teacher has some sort of problem with you or with where you're sitting, or who knows what her problem is. I think that I'm going to go and talk to her about it if it happens again. Anyways. Time to tone down the rage. I got a haircut, so I don't look like a hippie anymore and I don't have to keep blowing the hair out of my eyes. It's wayshort, and I think that I look like an elf or something, but my mom said that she didn't really see the difference from before I got my hair cut, and my sister said that it looked better, so who really knows what it looks like. Oh, and I found out that eyebrow jewelry doesn't have any nickel in it (I'm allergic) so the only thing that's stopping me from not getting my eyebrow pierced right now is....my age. Well, more specifically, my parents. My mom told me that I was dumb when I told her my news, and told me that I'm not going to get it pierced. Freak me out! Anywho, it's time to go and read the Crucible. Oo! Twelve more days until I leave! Woot! Tah, all. Ciao!

Whiskey in the jar

My mom got this video from the library, "where there's a will there's an A", some weird study guide video thing that teaches people how to study. She wanted to make Kelsey and I watch it, and we wanted chocolate milk. So we conned my mother into buying us chocolate milk and popcorn, and we watched the dumb movie. Sweet. I love chocolate milk.

Props to Elena, Courtenay, Alex and Lauren for their kick-ass project. It was totally awesome.

This week seems to be going by really slowly. I am so excited for the forum! Only...*counts*16 days until I leave Edmonton! Yay!! I got all of my dressy dumb blazers and stuff last Friday, never doing that again. See, my body is a really funny shape, clothes-wise, and my sister is cruel. Nuff said. It was funny though. Good times. I wish that I had a cotton candy machine. When I was at Frère Antoine, when we had our carnival in February, we had cotton candy, and it was way better than picarts. Plus with the cabane à  sucre, the person who did it was a cousin or something of the playschool teacher, so we all got a whole bunch of tire (sp?)...I miss that school. Ah well. I'd better go and do some social, I haven't done anything productive all day. Hope everyone is having a good week, and if you guys aren't, then I hope that it gets better for y'all! Ciao!

Ça m'avance à quoi?

My old track coach sent me this, and I thought that it was cool, so here it is! Enjoy!

Admit it

Admit to being frightened, and your courage will grow. Admit to not knowing,
and you will learn. Admit your weaknesses, and you'll become stronger. Admit
your mistakes, and you'll begin to move past them.

Admit you don't know what to say, and you'll have said just the right thing.
Admit that you're confused, and you'll begin to understand. Admit that
you're hurting, and you'll begin to heal. Admit that you care, and the
things that truly matter will grow stronger.


Being honest with yourself, with others, with life, can often be difficult
and intimidating. Yet honesty is always the most reliable, the most direct
route to truly attain whatever you seek.


Any attempt to deceive will ultimately end up wasting your precious time.
Live the truth of who you are, and it will bring out the best you can be.


-- Ralph Marston


What a tiring week. Someone up there sure has some sense of humor. Ah well, weekend is almost here...time to go back to my sugary coffee and good 'ol Napoléon, the man that just couldn't take a hint. Ciao!

Somedays

Let It Go
Great Big Sea
(written by Doyle/Sampson/Daly)

Hey man, you don't know what you're missing
You count your curses and forget about the blessings
Don't you think you should learn a little lesson
What are you waiting for?

Hey man, what makes you so special
Can't seem to find the angels for the devils
Don't you think that if you learned to love a little
You'd live a whole lot more

Chorus
Let it Go Let it Go
This is smaller than you know
No bigger than a pebble lying on a gravel road
Let it Go Let it Go
Got to leave it all behind you
Give the sun a chance to find you
Let it Go

Lift you head, there's no time for crying
You made your bed but don't think its fit to lie in
Wasted on the ground when you know you should be flying
What are you waiting for?

Bridge
How can a man not see
It seems so clear to me
You've just got to live and learn
Smile at the simple stuff
This road ain't long enough
To miss a single turn


So today is Ash Wednesday. I have the ashes on my forehead, my stomach is aching with hunger, but I'm not sure what I want to fast from for Lent. I feasted on patience tonight; that's something I guess. I almost lost my temper but I caught it. I'm not sure how right now, but I think that I did the right thing. I'm trying to fast from having a negative attitude, but that's hard when I'm hungry and tired...I think that I'll start that tomorrow. I hate how when I was in the mall this afternoon checking out my hours people were staring at my forehead like I was some kind of freak. Even my coworkers looked at me a little funny. I guess it's because they don't understand the Catholic faith. I am still a bit bothered by it though. Like when I had my head shaved, having all those people stare at me when I was walking around somewhere, even when I was standing ringing in people's purchases. Why do people stare at things like that? Are those things so unusual? Ah well. People are people. Nothing can be done about that.

Shines Right Through Me
Great Big Sea
(written by McCann/Mahoney/Doyle)

These days I feel a change, All the patterns rearranged
Though I can't explain, I know I’m not afraid
Now I realize all good things can be supplied
And they come from you

Chorus
It's all brand new, and it shines right through
Shines Right Through Me
I look at you and you, and it shines right through
Shines Right Through Me

This feeling that I've found, like sleeping on a cloud
Smiling at the sky, Not even knowing why
Strange how things work out, I know without a doubt
That it comes from you

Break me out of emptiness, Lead me to your light
Anything worth having is worth some sacrifice
Laid too long in lonliness, This world was made to change
Half an hour of sunshine is worth a week of rain

Air is flowing free, it's a little easier to breathe
This soul unbound, was lost and found
No reason left to hide, I feel a light inside and it comes from you

I know that this post is really long. I just feel like I have so much to say but I can't get it out in a way that would be...innapropriate? Anyways, it's easier to say it through lyrics. I think it's because it's less personal, but in a way it's more personal than just writing down thoughts and feelings...who knows why. Why can't people just let go of the past? Why is it always so important to return the hate and pain to the person who caused it instead of just letting it go? All it does is cause more hurt and more hate. I am so very confused right now. And tired. I should go to bed. Just one last thing; if anyone has tips on how to get parents to agree to body piercings(namely an eyebrow piercing) could you let me know? I would really appreciate it, cause at this rate I'm not going to be able to get it done till I'm eighteen, and that's almost nine months from now. Have a great looong weekend everyone! Ciao!

Something Beautiful!

The new Great Big Sea cd came out today and I'm listening to it right now! It's so AWESOME! I am so excited to hear the whole thing! That's all I have to say. Ciao!

Finally, a win!

Yay! So I went to my soccer game today with my grandparents, and we ended up having nine players, but we still won 5-3! Even without our goalie and all those players who were being dumb and didn't come! Yay! Plus, Ricardo and Odell were reffing, so we actually had good refs for once(even if they did tease me, and Ricardo called me on boarding or something which I totally didn't do...ah well) and Spencer was in the box as well, so it was all fun! Yay! Then, after the game my grandparents took me out for yummy Chinese food. It was kool. I can't even remember the last time that they've been to one of my soccer games. Totally cool of them to come, and it was nice of my team not to lose too! Anyways, weekend was kind of boring, lots of English work and such...Had to work today, found someone's coat on the ground in menswear and the tags from another coat right beside it...People are dumb. Anyways. So picarts is gonna be totally fun, right guys? Asterix is the best movie in the world!!! Can ya tell that I'm excited?? Anyways, time to go to bed. I hope that everyone's weekend was awesome! Ciao!

Hoo-ray!

I am so glad that this week, this school day is over. It has been such a looong week, seemed to drag on forever. Same with this afternoon. Don't know why. Ah well. I think that I've finally started to get over David. This is really, really good news. I can move on with my life. I feel so relieved, cause before no matter what I did I just couldn't stop thinking about him and our relationship and what I could have done better, and how I felt like I would flip out if he started dating. But now, I've accepted that it happened and I don't think that I would flip out if he started dating, I think I would hope that whoever the girl is they will make him happier than I did. Oh, for all you Great Big Sea fans out there (come'on, I must not be the only one!) their new cd, "Something Beautiful" comes out on Tuesday! Yay! I'm so excited!Check out their site too! It's pretty neat. Well, I've gotta go. I've got a date (hee hee) with my brother! He's gonna (kinda) buy me supper! Well, actually, he just has a bunch of Subway cards filled up and is letting me use one. But that's ok! It's the thought that counts, right guys? Guys? I hope everyone has a great weekend! See y'all at picarts on monday (watching Asterix of course! I'm so psyched!)!! Ciao!

I am a rock
Paul Simon

A winter's day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Don't talk of love,
Well, I've heard the word before.
It's sleeping in my memory.
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries

Jolly Roving Tar

Sparrow
Paul Simon

Who will love a little Sparrow?
Who's traveled far and cries for rest?
"Not I," said the Oak Tree,
"I won't share my branches with
no sparrow's nest,
And my blanket of leaves won't warm
her cold breast."

Who will love a little Sparrow
And who will speak a kindly word?
"Not I," said the Swan,
"The entire idea is utterly absurd,
I'd be laughed at and scorned if the
other Swans heard."

Who will take pity in his heart,
And who will feed a starving sparrow?
"Not I," said the Golden Wheat,
"I would if I could but I cannot I know,
I need all my grain to prosper and grow."

Who will love a little Sparrow?
Will no one write her eulogy?
"I will," said the Earth,
"For all I've created returns unto me,
From dust were ye made and dust ye shall be."

Had to work all weekend;thought that I only had to work Saturday. I guess that since tomorrow is family day, my boss thought that it was alright. Ah well. So apparently I'm allowed to sell tobacco. According to some shmoe from head office, anyone under nineteen can sell it. Well then. I wish that I could refuse to sell it on moral grounds, but like my dad was saying you can't pick and choose. Like he has to protect abortion clinics when they're being threatened, even though he's totally against abortion. Oh well. I actually had a good time working though, cause I was working with Dorothy and she was in a good mood. Brad and Stewart came around and talked to us a bunch, so that made it go by alright...tonight my parents picked me up from work and we went out for supper, just the three of us. It was fun. I don't think that we've ever gone out just the three of us like that. So now I'm stuffed and sleepy, but thought that I might as well post cause I'm gonna be doing homework all day tomorrow. Hmm...what else...Oh, right. My brother invited me to this cartoon thingy that took place yesterday, like a week ago. So I got home and was expecting to go with him, but he was already gone. So i was a little pissed. Apparently it was earlier than he initially thought, but he didn't remember/didn't bother to tell me. So when he got home my dad gave him shit, which I didn't think was deserved, but I would have appreciated an apology from John all the same, but since my dad yelled at him and he thinks that he didn't deserve it, he won't apologise because it's proving my dad right. Confusing, ain't it? I didn't really enjoy valentine's day this year; I'm sure that it's no surprise to anyone. I couldn't stop thinking about David, and I kept trying to stop myself, but it didn't work, so I just occupied myself. It wasn't bad at work, except when Brad was asking me if I got anything for valentines...but then he did offer his services as a henchman(heh heh) cause he figured that even though we've broken up david should get me something anyways. Funny guy. Oh, and another thing that was not good at all. I had to miss my soccer game today because of work. Which sucks ass because we only have two left. This new girl from work got beaten up on her way home last week, and as a result didn't show for her shift. So she's quit. And I'm scared to walk home now. Not cool. Well, I'm tired. Hope that everyone had a great Valentine's day and an even greater weekend! Ciao.

I'm so full of holes...

So I finally got some more holes in my ears, right beside the second ones. Yay! I'm so glad that I didn't chicken out like I thought I would. Didn't hurt as much as the second ones, and only one of them kind of stings right now. Overall after school was good...got to hang out with my mom for about an hour and a half, talked about what's going on at school and stuff. It was cool. Plus, I got a cinnamon bun! Mmm... Which made up for the crappy school day I had, classes-wise; well, more like chem-wise. I was totally unprepared for that quiz...that is the last time I leave an english essay to the last minute; that's why I didn't get enough study time. Oh well, I know for next time. Things have been getting a lot better. I feel so relieved. Things are at a new norm for me, but it's a good new normal, for the most part. I don't think that I'm ever going to stop missing the good things about David's and my relationship, or him for that matter, but I know that it being over is for the better, and I know that I'm happier this way too; he seems to be as well. So in the end it's all good. Ciao!

I don't know...

"If man/woman are not created equal-why do people try to achieve equality?" Good question, D. I have been thinking about that question all day, and I can't seem to think of anything that makes sense in the human/ emotional point of view, or anyting that I can back up using that short story or 1984. I've tried looking at equality websites for inspiration, but all that did was muddle me further. I think that I may just leave this one to the last minute tomorrow. Maybe I'll think up something tomorrow during school. Well, off to do some Chem. Ciao.

Aie.

What a crappy week. The play on Wednesday was really good, but sitting there was crappy, sat next to David, not sure how that worked out that way, and he was really pissy towards me, that kind of ruined it for me...I know I shouldn't let one person ruin something like that, but it's so hard. I mean, we go from being so close, we had something so special, and now we can't even sit next to each other without it being awkward. Ugh, I must be pms-ing or something. I hate being like this, say the littlest thing and I dissolve. I hope that everyone has a great first weekend of the second semester of school!Ciao.

What revolution are You?
Made by altern_active

Why don't you love her?

How did we get from saying 'I love you'...
Great Big Sea

"It's a cold day for September", was all I thought to say
When I saw you on the street the other day
I knew something changed between us, all the talk we made was small
But what do you say to someone when they've heard you say it all?
It's an awkward conversation, in a most peculiar way...

How did we get from saying "I love you" to "I'll see you around
someday?"
It seemed like only days ago, we had so much to say
Did we take it all for granted?, did it all gets thrown away?
"It calls for rain this afternoon", she finally replied
Then there was such a stuttering silence, that I felt my mouth go dry
We'll talk about the weather, cause there's not much more to say...

Has all the ice been broken,
All our surfaces been scratched
Have all the words been spoken,
Have we finally met our match?
Cause its an awkward conversation,
In a most peculiar way

I love how songs can sometimes explain what I'm feeling so much better than I could ever say it.

I have butterflies in my stomach. Not cool. It feels like bad, nervous butterflies. I'm hoping that it won't be anything bad that's going to happen, can't think of anything anyhow. Well, I'd better go and do some social. Ciao.

Jive Talkin'

Yay! Exams are over! I can't wait until next semester. Guys, it's gonna be great! I am in such a good mood right now (in case ya couldn't tell!). Last night at Erika's, it was good fun. Things weren't so great at the beginning, cause David and I were pretty much ignoring each other and wouldn't look at each other, but then we had a really good talk and things are really good, better than they've been in a looong time. I can't even remember when we last talked like that. Us breaking up was definitely for the best; things are way better this way, as friends. I felt so much happier and relaxed when I was talking with him this time. Things are definitely a bit weird in some ways; I guess old habits are hard to break. I'm so relieved. I really wasn't looking forward to starting the semester with things like this. Or going to the Citadel club like this on the fourth. Anyways. So Katelyn, Lauren, Phil and I ended up sleeping over(shh...don't tell my parents! I kinda told them that only girls were sleeping over..heh heh..) and we watched Fight Club, good movie, but really weird, kind of creepy, but really well done. So we finished at exactly four, which was cool, cause that's what Phil wanted to stay up until. This morning, my dad picked me up and we went shopping, talked a bit which was good cause we've been kind of snitty with each other lately for some reason; probably because we were both a little bit stressed out. I think that we're good again. So I got some earphones and some cds...I found a Cat Stevens cd!! I've only ever been able to find the one that I already have, no matter where I look! And then I came home and found out that my parents used to have all of his records, doubles of some of them even, but then they GOT RID OF THE RECORD PLAYER AND THE RECORDS! Augh! Anyways...time for some calm. I hope that everyone has a great weekend relaxing before the start of the new semester! Ciao!