Ahahahaha. I love politics!!

Anybody wanna buy a membership? *wink wink*

Com'on. Do it. You know you want it.

Just a quick update before I go to sleep...

Had a practise and a game cancelled this week because of the darned rain, and went shopping with my mom on Tuesday and got some new clothes, including a spiffing Beatles t-shirt. I think that I gained about five pounds during the weekend, eating almost every meal at my grandparents' because they don't think that my brother and I are capable of feeding ourselves when my parents are gone(they were in Kamloops for my sister's soccer tournament). It was good fun though; my granny dug through her collection of books and gave my a whole bunch more books about Poland and learning Polish, which was really very sweet of her. Oh, and I found out why Pope John Paul II kissed the ground of every country that he visited. It's because Poles believe that an earthly ruler who raises his hand against the independence of a free nation is violating God's law as just like a ruler who destroys an individual's rights and moral independence. Cool, non?

Worked all weekend and drove the standard all weekend, only stalled it once in traffic, twice on the driveway (don't ask). A lot of missing of people, family, people from high school. I keep having these awesome dreams, every night, which I'm trying really hard to ignore, but it's so hard, it just keeps popping into my head and I wish again and again that I could see into the future and see exactly what God has planned for us. Bunch of politicking going on, got a bunch more hours at work because my co-worker's mother came into town unexpectedly, plus I'm getting a lot more in the next few weeks as everyone takes their vacation time off. Going to see Peter Pan at the Citadel either tomorrow night or Saturday night, which I'm really looking forward to. Well, I'm exhausted, still not sleeping through the night but doing better than before and waking up happy, unfortunately because of aforementioned dreams. So, time for bed...

I can drive a standard! Yay!

Just one full night of sleep. That's all that I want. I haven't slept through the night without waking up every half hour or hour in about a week.

Just one night? I'm desperate here.

*sigh*

I have this terrible feeling in my stomach, like a wild animal is burrowing itself into my gut. I think that I slept about three hours total last night. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't remember the last time I felt like this. I can't remember the last time I cried, or the last time that I felt so unsure.

Well, these things do happen. Time to listen to my head again instead of my heart.

We shall see what transpires.

I am such the terrific imbecile. Fuck. I mean, honestly, what was that picture in my head? What the hell was I thinking of? Happy endings, love, trust? Pure fuckwittage. I can't fucking believe that I swallowed that shit. It's like I want to end up hurt, to disprove some kind of point to myself. I wanted to prove them wrong, to show them that things could and would be different. Enough. I am through being treated like this. I have had enough now. No happy ending. I deserve much, much better than this. Than him. I have finally reached my breaking point. I never thought that this day would come. I thought that I would outlast anything. And yet, here it is.

I'm through with this, with him. Done. Do you hear me?

Not a totally productive week. Still only have one job and only have around twenty hours of work this week. Lots of politics stuff going on though, which has kept me pretty busy. We had a soccer game tonight that we unfortunately lost. It's so strange, it seems like whenever my team plays really crappy I play well. I mean, tonight I got a compliment from my coach. If any of you know Dennis, you know that it's hard to pull a compliment out of him. Well, I rarely get a compliment from him anyways. I have some sweet bumps and scraps on my legs, have this one that sketches me out. I thought that it was just a scratch from this other girl's cleats, but now there's this huge ass bump right underneath it and it's starting to bruise. Sketch me out. Sweet war wounds. This chick tried to bump me off the ball and ends up elbowing me really hard in the chest. Not cool. Still hurts like a mother.

I hate that some of the male refs don't think that women can play soccer. It totally sucks, cause then they either don't bother to pay any attention to the game or they call any kind of contact and make it impossible to play our game. I mean, what happened to gender equality? Oh my. The new cash manager at work apparently is a referee, and he figures he reffed our team once in indoor cause he remembered our 'strange name'. I really, really hope that he doesn't ref any of our outdoor games. That would just be awkward. Plus, with my luck, I would end up accidentally beaning him in the head and knocking him unconscious or something.

Enough about soccer. Tomorrow morning I have to go and find a mother's day gift and sign all of the other kids' names to it. My mom is so unmaterialistic, it makes it almost impossible to find a suitable gift for her. Time for bed.

I know, I know. Too many posts in too short an amount of time. I just have all of these weird thoughts swirling around in my head and I keep trying to shut off my brain. I keep having really weird dreams too. In most of these weird dreams, I'm at work. They're all strange like that, and most of the time the people who are there aren't people who actually work with me. Maybe I just need more sleep? And maybe to actually find a second job so that I can stop stressing out about it. That's probably more to the point. Haha, we finally rented Pride and Prejudice, the one that Colin Firth apparently became renowned for. Seriously, the funniest books ever are the Bridget Jones books. Ignore what you think about the movies, cause the books are supremely superior. And hilarious. And they keep mentioning Colin Firth diving into a lake with a white shirt in Pride and Prejudice.

Time for bed.

I just don't know. I've been thinking about finding a second job, but I really need to talk to the Boss to find out if I'm allowed to work for a competing drugstore. The key word here is 'thinking' about finding a second job. I've mulled over the possibility of working the night shift at Timmies, because it pays twelve dollars an hour, four more than I make at the post office, and because it would be convenient; last I heard the night shift was 11-7. Then I could sleep all day and then go to the post office at night and then to timmies. I should talk to my mom about this, she has this strange instinct about what is and isn't a good idea. If I can work at Rexall drugs, then I can pretty much working opening to about 4, because I seem to be working a lot of the evening shifts at my current job. But serieux, I'm only working twenty hours next week. Last summer I was working close to full time hours. This is terrible. Part of me wishes that Arlene were still de facto manager, because she had much more of an egalitarian outlook about scheduling people. She worked evenings and some weekend shifts, and everyone took turns with the crappy shifts. With the new manager, she and Arlene are scheduled during the day and the rest of us have to be happy with sharing the evening shifts and the weekend shifts, but I have to miss two shifts a week because of soccer, which isn't bad, but it does make me wish that the week were a few days longer. Speaking of which, we won our first game today (yesterday) 3-1. It was good fun. My toe is still aching from this girl who ground her heel into my foot (in cleats, no less) and it's all purple and funny looking. It'll be a good war wound for awhile. They hired some new people at work, some of them seem pretty promising. Hopefully no one else quits; last person who quit was our cash manager and now they're scrambling around trying to find a remplacement.

Oh! Important stuff; if anyone knows how to make an MSDOS program work on Windows XP, please give me a heads up! I've been trying to get Commander Keen (don't laugh! it's classic!) working for two days now and have had no luck with the tips from the site that i sharewared it from. So yes. Info!

Wow. Watching the budget presentation on CPAC. I just-i can't even believe it. All this stuff about "spending control" and "inneffectual programs"scares me and angers me to no end. Reading between the lines? Social program cuts and budget cuts. Even if it wasn't explicitely said, they're cutting about every single tax they can think of and okay, some of their subsidies are good ones, but overall, this made me realise the total difference between Liberals and Conservatives. Not to say that I wasn't aware of it before, this presentation has just made it more blatantly obvious to me. Wow. That's all I have to say about politics right now; can't take it anymore.

Not too much going on. Things have actually been really good for me as far as my personal life goes. Work has been okay, a lot of grumpy asstastic people lately because of the tax returns. I've been working almost every evening and every weekend that I don't have soccer stuff or Liberal stuff, but I found out that they can't give me any day time hours and I can't get full time hours either. So, lucky me, I get to go out and try to find another job that'll be flexible enough to work around my work schedule at Shoppers and my soccer stuff, not to mention my summer school schedule. Terrible. Last summer I got near full time hours, usually 37 or so hours a week. (Sit down, Flaherty! Turning a new leaf, indeed...) I'm hoping to get a job with the post office in Capilano mall, cause they've been hiring since about November and I'm all trained and that, the only thing is that it's in a Rexall drugstore and I'm not sure what the Shopper's Drug Mart policy is about working in a competing drugstore, or if Rexall will hire me even though I work at Shoppers. I'm going to have to talk to the Boss tomorrow, good fun.

Did I mention that I hate having a Conservative governement?