I feel like everyone is watching and waiting for something to happen. For something to give. This middle ground can't last forever. Something is going to ruin everything. Then I'll be left standing there, shocked, as it all crumbles around me...again.

I am in such a good mood! I had a practice today, which went surprisingly well (I think that I still need to practice outside of those practices though) and then my dad picked me up and we went shopping (aaahh, Home Depot and Walmart) and then I got some timmy's for lunch! I think that I may still be hyper from the caffeine, but that's dandy! My parents agreed to let me have the Think Fast thing here, well, for the five or six people who have already decided to do it...but no guys. Sorry! My mom is just a wee bit conservative and figures that if some guys sleep over then we're all going to have a wild orgy or something *shrugs* . Oh well. Whee. Work was fun yesterday, OMG it was the funniest thing. The shelves kept collapsing(well, twice counts). The first time I was bagging for Heather cause it was pretty busy and no one was paying cash (one of the registers is cash only and the other one is everything) when suddenly there was this huge crash, and there were cans all over the floor. Only one of the brackets fell out,so I was half holding up the shelf and trying to get the rest of the cans off of the shelf while Heather was working the till...that was an adventure. So we got everything picked up and put the shelf into a different bracket.. and then Heather came over laughing and told me that she needed my help...and there was one of the shelves with the lamps on it, half falling down..I swear, we must be cursed or something. Hee hee. In the morning, the alarm system of the bingo hall across the mall from us went off, until about 10 or 10:30, which was funny. Apparently they have this intake thing on the roof and they forgot to close it that night, and the wind was pretty bad, so it set of the alarm...The security guys weren't too impressed. That place goes through security guards so frickin fast! I don't think that any of the ones that were there before Christmas are still there. They just have all these new guys, and only one of them comes around to talk to us. He's a funny guy though, so it's all good. Oh, and yesterday I got to watch Master and Commander. That movie is so awesome! Man I'm feeling long-winded. Anyways, we apparently have another soccer tryout tomorrow for school soccer, cause we didn't actually have enough to have a tryout last time, so apparently if we made the team in the first place we have to try out again. That place is such a gong show. Oh well. I hope that I make it (again). We still won't have a real goalie; Dvorak was trying to convince Michelle Kirkwood in grade 10 to do it, but apparently she has a really bad attitude...we will see. Hmm...I should probably be doing something productive *cough* social *cough*. Heh heh. Oh, and did I mention that our book critique is due in a week? Funny how I forgot about that and still have to read my book. Lol. Anyways, enough procrastinating...BTW, our God is an awesome God!Woot!

Know what I noticed? When I don't get any sleep, I am so much more awake, so much more outgoing, and I get along with people better(for the most part anyways, sauf quand je fais des stupidités).Untill I get home. Then all I want to do is sleep, and my dad tells me not to because when it comes time to actually go to bed I won't be able to sleep and I'll be up all night. I tell him that it's doubtful that that will happen, but I can't tell him why I think that cause then he'll get pissed off at me and give me a bedtime or something. Arg. I wish I'd had a soccer practice today. I'm starting to get into the habit of playing soccer every day, and missing a day throws me off, especially when it's so windy that I can't go and practice on my own *pouts*. Oh well. I want to move to Ottawa! Or Manitoba. Man, those toba kids sure know how to party! Oh, btw,the strange guy with the glasses was one of thecounselorss from my forum session, one of the coolest ones, and the other two are fellow forum alumnus. Man, I really need to learn when to shut up. Oh, the coolest part of my day was by far when we got to do javelin in gym class! I'm so glad that I decided to take gym! I totally sucked at first but then M. Gaudreault came out and he worked with Katelyn and I and then I got it! Yay! It's so frickin cool, I wish that they had taught it to us last year! Oh, and I found out that with a political sciences degree, I'm not going to be making much at all...good thing I'm not going into it for the money ;). Anyways, je suis fatigué.. à demain tout le monde!

Redundant

Green Day

We're living in repetition.
Content in hte same old shtick again.
Now the routine's turning to contention,
Like a porduction line going over and over and over, roller coaster

Now I cannot speak, I lost my voice
I'm speachless and redundant
'Cause I love you's not enough
I'm lost for words.

Choreographed and lack of passion
Prototypes of what we were
Went full circle 'til I'm nauseous
Taken for granted now
I waste it, faked it, ate it, now i hate it

Oh, I'm sorry, am I not good enough for you? Then bugger off and quit demeaning me. From what I've heard you say, we would both be a lot happier. But if you want my opinion, then go ahead, ask for it. Just stop playing games.

Have you ever had one of those days where you just want to run up and down the streets, yelling the worst obscenities anyone has ever heard?

I've been having a lot of days like that.

miss grumpy pants

Blah bleah bla. You know what I need(besides some gummy glow worms)? I need to depend on myself for happiness, and not have to depend on other people or what other people will do, say, are...I'll figure this out eventually. Give me time. My soccer practice was cancelled because of the weather, so I got to stay home and fine tune my English project (yipee!). This caused much rage (combined with some other things of course). Today was a rageful day as well. Such a freakin bad day. I wanted to go home and catch up on my sleep, cause two hours isn't enough for me and all school was doing was contributing to my anger. I probably should've. It would've saved...Well, nothing, cause no one noticed that I was in a bad mood...So it all worked out! Did I mention that I really want gummy glow worms? That and some more borscht. I only get it a couple of times a year at my granny's and that just isn't enough...It's sooo good...Aw, I have to figure out a way to get my parents to let me get my eyebrow done during the summer, cause otherwise with soccer it'll take too long to heal and it will be more painful than it needs to be...Well, I think I've put off sleeping, or studying, or whatever it was that I was going to do before I decided to post long enough. Ciao.

The Wind

Cat Stevens

I listen to the wind
to the wind of my soul
Where I'll end up well I think,
only God really knows
I've sat upon the setting sun
But never, never never never
I never wanted water once
No, never, never, never

I listen to my words but
they fall far below
I let my music take me where
my heart wants to go
I swam upon the devil's lake
But never, never never never
I'll never make the same mistake
No, never, never, never

I like the Pope. Happy easter everybody!

Jack Ass
Green Day

To know you is to hate you
So loving you must be like suicide
I don't mind if you don't mind
hell I'm not the one that's going to die
I guess I just can't listen
To this one sided conversation again
'cause I don't care if I don't care
No one ever said that life is fair

Everybody loves a jumper
But no one likes a fool
And you're always cracking the same old lines again
You're well rehearsed on every verse
And that was stated clear
But no one understands your verity

The center of attention
Got an honorable mention once again
Congratulations and salutations
You're a figment of your own imagination

Everybody loves a jumper
But no one likes a fool
And you're always cracking the same old lines again
You're well rehearsed on every verse
And that was stated clear
But no one understands your verity

To know you is to bait you
And you fell victim to your own denial
I don't mind if you don't mind
If you're wasting all your time


Fuck. Ugh. That's it. It's done. Those lyrics say it all.

Walking contradiction

I just got back from my work. Had to ask for some time off, but I can work Fridays now. So I hope that it's all good. My assistant manager(Dorothy) seemed alright with it. My manager(Heather) wasn't in though, so Dorothy got me to write her a note explaining that I couldn't work Sundays unless she absolutely needs me to, cause I have practice every Sunday till the end of June, and if I miss a practice then I'm benched for half a game. I really don't want to piss this coach off. So hopefully she accepts my offer of working Fridays now. Plus I had to tell her about some tournaments that I might possibly need to have off for, cause one of the is out of town. Fun. Not exactly a screaming success, but I'll take what I can get. Hopefully she gets in touch with me soon. I hate doing this though. I feel like I made a commitment to work, so I shouldn't be bailing out of it so often. Gray. Oh well. I suppose it'll all work out in the end, one way or another. Today was a sucky day, but I guess I'll get over it. No better way to do that than by diving into my homework. Fun fun. Oh well, at least this way I won't get stuck with a huge heap of it over Easter weekend. Hopefully everything will turn out, and I'll finally make a decision one way or another. I hope that everyone enjoyed their first day back from holidays. Oh, and for Jarrah, thank you for my pretty bracelet! I took my other ones off, so it doesn't clash! Yay for pretties! Anyways. Ciao!

Wee!

Ok. So I had a tryout/practice thing today for the U-18 selects team. So I went and the coach had to tell me to relax and to smile, because I totally freak out at tryouts and I do crappily for some reason. After I relaxed, the practice was really good. I haven't had a good practice like that since outdoor last year. So apparently it wasn't really a practice; after the coach e-mailed me about the practice he put me on his team anyways, because the assistant coach(an old coach of mine) told me that I was the type of player he likes and that I should be on his team. I am so happy! I haven't played on a well put together team for a long time, and it's so refreshing to actually have a coach that cares about the players and the team as a whole, and wants to keep us together for a long time. Plus, I've played with half of the players before (oh, and Melissa is on the team too) and I get along well with the ones that were there. Wee! Well, I'm superbly behind on my chem homework, so I'd better go and do that before it's too late and Dunkley eats me tomorrow. I hope that everyone had an awesome spring break, wherever you all were and that you're all looking forward to school tomorrow(hee hee, just jokes)! Ciao!

Wonderwall

Oasis

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realised what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now
Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
but I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day?
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realised what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me

Have I ever mentioned that it's easier to post a song to explain how I feel than it is to just write about it? Well, if I haven't, then I have now. Ciao.

Overs

Simon and Garfunkel

Why don't we stop fooling ourselves?
The game is over,
Over,
Over.

No good times, no bad times,
There's no times at all,
Just The New York Times,
Sitting on the windowsill
Near the flowers.

We might as well be apart.
It hardly matters,
We sleep separately.

And drop a smile passing in the hall
But there's no laughs left
'Cause we laughed them all.
And we laughed them all
In a very short time.

Time
Is tapping on my forehead,
Hanging from my mirror,
Rattling the teacups,
And I wonder,
How long can I delay?
We're just a habit
Like saccharin.

And I'm habitually feelin' kinda blue.

But each time I try on
The thought of leaving you,
I stop...
I stop and think it over

Argh. Bleah. I hope that everyone has enjoyed their spring break! Ciao.